Where do moments of pure clarity come from? And are they truly that, pure and clear? Or do they change the second you realize what they are, becoming tainted with the stain of realization?

I like to think I have many of these moments. Deep in the night when the rest of the world sleeps away, I sit at my desk (or, alternatively, my couch with my lapdesk) and am hit with these miniature meteors of understanding and profound insight. The world makes sense for a split second before I begin contemplation. All is right in the world until I begin to deconstruct the epiphany the universe has given to me. Then everything comes crashing down: apocalypses and chaos reigning, multitudes of horsemen are galloping over everything I am continually trying to keep at rights.

Then I open my eyes, stare at my keyboard with my heart pounding in my chest (wait a second -- I have one of those?!) and realize that I am my own destructor, my own creator, my own foil and my own fortune. How ironic that I am so much yet I feel so little towards myself. My magnanimity can extend far, further beyond what my mind's eye can imagine, yet I cannot pull it back enough to extend over me.

I'm good with pretty words and flowery prose, I must admit. ::insert the sound of my own horn being toot-ed::

In the eternal words of someone else

Sometimes I can't find the right words to express myself. With the billions of words in the English language alone, I seem to continually fail at relaying just exactly how I feel in any given moment. It's so difficult; every moment is fleeting, as is everything included in that singular moment, making it seem almost futile to even attempt to write down the words that truly portray how I feel. It's easier, I find, to fall back on the eternal words of someone else, to use what profundities they have articulated and manipulate it to suit my own means, my own mind.

But sometimes I feel like a cheater, a liar.

Is it fair? I ask myself.

It isn't, but I can try harder.

Try harder.

Try harder.

Try harder.

♥

Old dog, old tricks

Looks like you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

But this bitch sure will try.

♥